![]() ![]() Weighing the pros and cons of who can best parent this child is better summed up with the verb “plan” rather than “give”. “To make an adoption plan” emphasizes the thought process in the decision making. ![]() I suppose “giving up” sounds too trivial for this degree of anguish. ![]() I think “given up” was phased out because it doesn’t do justice to the decision making process most first moms go through when wrestling with whether they are in a place to be the best mother to their child. God gifted me to my mother’s womb it was her choice to re-gift me. In the end they all mean the same, no amount PC adoption language can ever change that. Relinquished, put up for, placed, given up, surrendered, sacrificed, given away, given out, handed out, donated, entrusted, offered up, made an adoption plan or paying it forward. Why then do people have such a negative reaction to the term “Given Up”? Gifts are given and unless we were removed, sold or kidnapped she “gave“. Given my careful avoidance of the phrase “given up” both in words and even how I think, I was surprised when I saw the following post in the Creating a Family Facebook Support Group by as adult adoptee.Īdoptees are told ad nauseam from day one that adoption is a gift, that we are gifts. The preferred term is “made an adoption plan” or “relinquished/surrendered her parental rights”. adopting a child with special needs, etc.), but no other phrase will elicit gasps any quicker than saying that a birth parent “gave up” a child for adoption. The world of adoption is a minefield of correct language (birth mother vs. Her partner helped her disengage her hyperfocus, to adjust her evaluation criteria, and to use Koretsky’s hyperfocus experience as a tool in their process and in a way that was supportive, accepting, and productive.Does the term “given up for adoption” rub you the wrong way? Both partners were able to recognize when her hyperfocus would be beneficial and when it should be dialed down in this process. She used her hyperfocus to intricately study and evaluate hundreds of donor profiles when she and her partner were looking to have a child through artificial insemination, and again when looking for a lawyer specializing in the specific legal issues related to their adoption process. New York City based ADHD coach Jennifer Koretsky provides examples in The Distracted Couple from her own life, in which she found an adaptive way to utilize her hyperfocus. For instance, there may be ways to draw on the intensity of the hyperfocus experience in ADHD to help a relationship. But are there any positives to it? Well, some working with ADHD would say… yes. So we’ve looked at the down sides of hyperfocus. The gradual loss of infatuation may lead to a decrease in hyperfocus, according to Orlov, and that is of course just when the relationship waters usually get a little trickier to navigate. In other words, if hyperfocus were a theater goer watching an ADHD-impacted relationship on stage, it would have left during the intermission and gone to sleep at home not too far into the second act. That feels great for both parties but unfortunately it doesn’t usually last. As a contributor to the book The Distracted Couple, she describes how certain brain chemicals, like the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and dopamine, ratchet up during feelings of infatuation, leading a person with ADHD to very closely attend to the needs and desires of his/her partner. ADHD specialist Melissa Orlov describes how hyperfocus often emerges in the early dating phase of a relationship that is impacted by ADHD. In a relationship, hyperfocus may show up early on without even needing an invitation. ![]()
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